Parker Ridgway
Something we all struggle with as humans is possessing the self-awareness and strength necessary to see past our current circumstances. We are emotional creatures, not always logical ones, and often these emotions guide our actions. When asked what challenges have affected me, and what I’ve learned from these challenges, my mind flickers to the summer before the crucial and rigorous Junior Year; a heart-wrenching summer that changed everything. That summer, unbeknownst to me, a scary beast was relentlessly charging towards me, determined to take everything from me, leaving me stripped, exposed, and bare. This beast is not a simple thing or a singular event, but rather a complex and highly stigmatized disease. They call the beast depression, and that summer, it brought along its pesky little brother anxiety, too.
If you have never experienced depression and anxiety, it’s challenging to comprehend what it may feel like. For me, it’s a million pound boulder tied to my back every minute of every day. It’s being so trapped and suffocated by my thoughts, yet having no one to turn to because I think there’s no way anyone could ever understand the monstrosity of my disturbed thoughts. It’s being around all of my favorite people, partaking in once fulfilling hobbies, yet still feeling absolutely numb.
I will do my best to paint a picture in your mind of what I went through that summer, but no words could ever do my story justice or make you know my pain. I spent all of August walking around my neighborhood crying for hours because I was so suicidal I did not know what to do with myself. I was in the darkest valley I had ever seen, and the night before school began, I was rushed to the emergency room. I was on day three without sleep due to the severe anxiety that was paralyzing my mind. Because of my exhaustion, I was struggling to differentiate reality from my suicidal thoughts. Upon returning to school, it was nearly impossible for me to focus in class or to make it through an entire school day. And the fact that colleges heavily focus on one’s Junior Year, a year when I was not performing at my peak academic level, only added to my anxiety and infinite worries.
All of this may like a tragedy to you, since many who struggle with depression and anxiety don’t make it out alive, but I actually deem this period of darkness to be my most valuable and sculpting experience. It has opened my eyes to the existence of the community of adolescents suffering in silence, softened my heart to be more compassionate in every aspect of my life, and given me more perspective than I ever had prior. My mind is no longer polluted with my self serving desires to always put myself first. Reflecting back, I sometimes was ignorant to the fact that I am not the only person on this earth; it’s not always about me. Instead of being selfish, I now serve others through many different types of community service. When I was in the midst of the storm, someone shared their story with me and it gave me a powerful weapon: hope. In my past year of recovery, I have dedicated every day of my life to giving that same hope back to my peers who are struggling. I have taken it upon myself to become a Senior Class Officer in the hopes of making an impact on our school community by emphasizing compassion and the helpful resources we have right beneath our noses. Lastly and most importantly, this has woken up a passion inside of me, that cannot be suppressed. I now plan on studying Psychology in college and devoting the rest of my life to helping young adults fight the same great fight that once devastated my life.